The Beginning of Our Journey

August 2002 After only being married 4 months I begin having unbearable pain and unexplainable bleeding. I have several surgeries and am told "it will be almost impossible to ever become pregnant!" At 21 years old you simply do not see something like that coming. Every little girl has dreams of what her life will be like when she is older. You know the fairy tale wedding, little house, white picket fence, and kiddos running around that are the perfect mix of her and her husband. A HUGE part of my dreams were crushed on that fateful day after my surgery. My husband and I did the best we could to "power through it", but neither one of us were prepared for that devastating news. I wish I could say that we clung to each or and made it out the other side together, but that would not be the case. Neither one of us knew how to cope with our loss. I will be the 1st one to admit that I shut down and iced him out. I couldn't completely understand the pain I was feeling so I couldn't talk to him about it and I was really just mad at the world. My husband is a "fixer" so when he couldn't fix me he felt helpless and like he failed me. He thought he was the reason I was unhappy when the truth of the matter was I felt hopelessly broken and it had NOTHING to do with him. We managed to "get it right" a few months later and fix the pieces that were broken in our marriage. We came back stronger and more determined than ever to make our life together the best it could be with or without children. I thank God that he brought my husband back to me because I was the one that pushed him away. I am proud to say that we will be married 12 years in April and our love is so much deeper and stronger than it ever was back then.